May I offer you newlyweds a formula which will ensure that any disagreement you may have will last no longer than one day? Every night kneel by the side of your bed. One night, Brother Monson you offer the prayer, aloud, on bended knee. The next night you, Sister Monson, offer the prayer aloud, on bended knee. I can then assure you that any misunderstanding that develops during the day will vanish as you pray. You simply can't pray together and retain any but the best of feelings toward one another" (pp. 196-200).
When my sister Jessica and her husband Daniel got married, I remember a time when they had invited me to spend the week with them at their house. At night before we all went to bed, Daniel asked me, "Jessica and I were about to have family prayer. Would you like to join us?"
That experience at first to me was kind of like wait, what? Only because at this time they had only been married for a little while and for Daniel to say "family prayer" with him and her really hit home that they were a family now. Everything they do is towards their goals and dreams in making a family of their own. They wanted to create a habit of family prayer together so when they have children they will be able to teach their children the importance of family prayer.
I can recall many times where my parents would call everyone in our home and gather everyone for family prayer. Each night would be someone's turn in saying the prayer aloud. I remember when I was younger and it was my turn to pray, my prayers were short. Oftentimes I would feel silly saying a prayer in front of my family, because I was just so used to saying my own private ones before I went to bed. However, as the years went on and as I grew older, I became more comfortable praying in front of my family members. My prayers also became more spiritual, more heartfelt.
One night, it was my mom's turn to pray. When we were all ready, she started to pray and she started off by thanking Heavenly Father for things in our lives. Then I heard her pray for each of her children individually. As she did, almost immediately I could feel the Spirit even stronger and I could feel her love for me. As a daughter listening to her mother pray for her specific needs was overwhelming, and for that moment, I could understand more clearly how our Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother feel about us. Their love is infinite and perfect. Seeing how my mother wanted to feel that love towards her children by praying for them was amazing.
The Family Proclamation states that prayer is a key principle for building success in family relationships. As we pray we can't help but feel humbled, and we invite the Spirit into our lives as we pray to our Father in Heaven.
My dad is worthy to hold the keys of the Melchizedek priesthood. Therefore, he is able to receive special revelation and give us blessings when we need them. Some traditional times when my dad gives my siblings and I a blessing is before school starts. He gives us a father's blessing before school so we can feel refreshed for a new school year. There are other times when he gives us father's blessings like when we are sick, worried over a test in school, or need some comfort and encouragement in our lives. I am so thankful for the times when I need a blessing and my dad is right there, worthy and able to give me one.
Receiving blessings from my dad helps me feel closer to my dad and closer to my Heavenly Father through my dad. Prayer is powerful, and my love for my dad and my family grows so much more when I pray with them. My relationship with my Father in Heaven also grows and my personal relationship with Him becomes much more special and sacred to me.
Conflict in the family is not uncommon. However, prayer can de-escalate the conflict between family members and therefore help them to forgive one another.
As I see my parents interact with one another, I notice that oftentimes when they don't agree with one another one of them tends to walk off and pretend to forget the situation. That action may be momentarily "alright" to do but overall its not the best way to handle the situation. In an argument between two people, it's not just one person who's discouraged; it's both people troubled one way or another. Therefore, both people need to come together and resolve what had upset them; it's a two sided deal.
"Repentance is a process of enhancing internal awareness and interpersonal accountability" (pp. 201-212).
I don't know if there have been a lot of times where I've seen my parents walk up to each other and openly express how sorry they are and forgive each other. But I can remember only a few times when I would see my dad walk up to my mom when she was discouraged over an argument. He would put his hand on her back and rub it to help sooth her mood then say, "I'm sorry.", smile, then give her a kiss. Watching him do that was a huge example to me as to how you deal with a hot-pot situation.
What was causing my dad to go to my mom after a disagreement and be so willing to say sorry and make it right? I like to imagine that he would consider first off, their relationship is worth more than just an argument. It's not worth their relationship to NOT try and make it right. Repentance and forgiveness is truly a humbling experience. It opens our eyes to really see where we went wrong and how we can fix the situation. The person who can truly hellp us understand this is our Heavenly Father. I can't tell you how many times I have had a hot-head attitude and had to recognize how I was in the wrong or how to make the situation better. Humility is also a key factor in forgiving someone else and in saving relationships.
Seeing my dad in action to say sorry and also to forgive my mom was a big testimony to me that even though relationships may not always be that great, they can always be rescued with humility, prayer and forgiveness.
Sources:
Lambert, N. (2012). Sanctification and Cooperation: How
Prayer Helps Strengthen Relationships in Good Times and Heal Relationships in
Bad Times. In Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and
Research Perspectives (pp. 196-200). Provo, Utah: Brigham Young University.
Walton, E., & Hendricks, H. (2012). Repentance and Forgiveness in Family Life. In Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives (pp. 201-212). Provo, Utah: Brigham Young University.
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