In the Book of Nephi chapter 14:5 we are taught "Thou hypocrite, first cast the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast the mote out of thy brother’s eye." What this scripture means is to first "fix" yourself and THEN help others. We are reminded over and over again in the LDS Church that we need to experience our own conversion before we can help others become converted to the gospel.
It's just like the old saying "practice what you preach". Not sure where this saying comes from, however one of my high school health teachers told me that since she teaches a health class she feels it would only make sense if she followed what she taught. Therefore, she tries to stay healthy physically, emotionally, socially, etc just like what she teaches. It just wouldn't make sense at all if she didn't practice what she taught her high school students.
I bring this up because I realize that my blog is about how important it is in having a father in the home. I have been sharing personal experiences with how it's like to have my dad as my dad and how I feel as his daughter. As I think about this and ponder ways how my relationship with my dad can improve, I see that there really isn't much I can do to "make" or "force" my dad to "be the dad I want him to be". BUT, there is one thing I can do; I can change myself and try to make a difference in our relationship.
This is the story of the other prodigal son for on lds.org. It shows the perspective of the prodigal son's brother, and tells how the prodigal son's brother forgives.
https://www.lds.org/media-library/video/2014-02-002-the-other-prodigal-son-eng?lang=eng
Ultimately, WE ARE THE ONLY PERSON WE CAN CHANGE. We can't force anyone else to do anything. In fact, through the example of the Savior, we are taught not to try and make people do anything no matter how much we want to but to show them by example. This all seems contradictory, because in reality, it's virtually impossible to make someone do something. I feel like I'm talking in circles. Here's what I'm trying to say:
It's impossible to make someone else act. We can tell them what we think they should do, we can be as forceful? as we want to, but overall, they have something we have all been given: agency. Agency is what makes it impossible to force someone to do anything.
This means that no matter how much I want my dad to "change" to become the type of dad I want him to be, I can't change him. At all. BUT who can I change? I can change myself. Even though I can't make my dad do anything, I can show him through being an example. I can be the one to make the move. Don't get me wrong, I love my dad very much, however as a daughter I feel there is always something that can go better in improving our relationship. There's always room for improvement in everything. In this case, there's room for applying what I'm learning and teaching through my blogs and really trying to make a difference in my relationship with my dad.
How do I do this? One thing I have noticed is the past six or so months, my dad has started texting me and asking me how my day is going as well as letting me know he loves me. When he first started doing this, it made me feel special that he decided to ask me how I was doing, although it was kind of weird as well. He had never done that before. Now that it's been a while since he started doing that, I feel that now is the time for a new step; a step that I know might feel strange or awkward for both of us, or we might not feel that. I realize that a big part of how people feel with certain situations depends on their approach. Since I'm deciding to make the move in this new approach with my dad, I help can set the mood. I may not be able to make him not feel awkward (I'm not really gonna know exactly how he feels/thinks about it!), but I can help ease that awkwardness by making myself not feel awkward and being confident in my approach.
What I want to do is call up my dad on a whim one night after he gets home from work and talk to him. To just talk to him; he and I have never really had a really long conversation based on each others lives. I feel that whenever we do talk, we end up talking about the weather, finances, or my school stresses. We never really have had a good conversation about each others personal lives. I don't even know how much my dad really KNOWS about me besides the facts (ex: I'm going to school at...I've been on some dates...I like to eat food...I am his daughter...). I don't even know if he knows my favorite color! I can certainly take action and try and help him learn more about who I am by calling him on the phone and talking to him.
I'm a talker; I love talking. Therefore, this should be easy to just call him up, right? It can be, or it might not be. But I believe that as I prepare myself for this conversation by writing down topics to talk about and questions to ask him, he and I will then end up having a really successful conversation. Hopefully, this tense feeling I feel with my dad will end up going away to the point where I can just call him up and talk to him like normal and really gain a good relationship with my dad. I think that is one of the most beautiful things; a daughter having a great relationship with her dad (or with the father figure in her life if a dad is unavailable).
"When partners or family members collectively plan activities or set mutual goals, they are imagining a future together and moving away from the painful past"(pp. 201-212). "In the end, sincere repentance and genuine forgiveness are gifts from God made possible through the Atonement of Jesus Christ"(pp. 201-212).
Wish me luck! :)
Sources:
Walton, E., & Hendricks, H. (2012). Repentance and Forgiveness in Family Life. In Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives (pp. 201-212). Provo, Utah: Brigham Young University.
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