My family are my best friends!

"From the beginning, God organized the human family and revealed that marriage and family relationships are intended to be eternal. Latter-day prophets have taught that while Adam and Eve were sealed in marriage for time and all eternity, the time would come when the doctrine of the eternal family would be lost to mankind" (pp. 337-345).

The family is so important. In this world, people are being blinded and forgetting how crucial the family is. People are stronger in the family. We are taught from modern prophets that the stronger the family is in the home, the harder it is for Satan to tempt those in that family. 

"President Spencer W. Kimball taught that 'the time will come when only those who believe deeply and actively in the family will be able to preserve their families in the midst of the gathering evil around us'" (pp. 354-358).

What are some ways in which we can bring our families closer together?

Family recreation!

Everyone loves to have a good time. I mean, come on, who doesn't like to have fun? One of the most memorable experiences I have with my family are when we are all doing an activity together, laughing together and having fun. 

"We live in a world full of opportunities to engage in wholesome family recreation, if we know where to look for them. Wholesome recreation is an intentional process. It can sere to promote positive development in our children, strengthen our marriages, and build strong families...The components to wholesome recreation include opportunities to verbally communicate, develop skills, face challenges, create memories, share traditions and beliefs, and spend time together in the family setting" (pp. 225-236). 

Some activities I have done with my family are going on vacations each year. We have a cabin in a small ranch in Idaho in which we all take one week each year and we spend time up there. We play in the creek behind the cabin, we visit Yellowstone National Park, and we go visit the sand dunes. I love being able to ask my family members, "Remember that time when..." and we can all laugh and smile about the fond memories we've built with one another. It creates unity, and invites happy feelings and the Spirit to be present in the home.

Studying and learning from The Family: A Proclamation to the World has caused me to be so much more appreciative of my family. One weekend, I went home and visited my family. I had just read and studied about loving your family, raising them in caring matters, and trying to love them as our Father in Heaven and His Son Jesus Christ love them. When I got home, I noticed that my little sister was sick; I immediately felt compassion towards her and wanted her to feel as comfortable as I could. I gave her hugs, I asked her if she needed anything, I gave her food, and I helped her feel snuggled up on the couch where she was petting the cat. As the day ended, I got in a little argument with my mom and felt that love being replaced by frustration. Tired of the argument, I went to my room where I was sleeping for the weekend and to my surprise, I found a little note written on a napkin. As I saw the handwriting, I knew immediately who it was from; my little sister. Tears came to my eyes as I read her sweet little note. Her note was full of gratitude and love about me caring for her as she was sick. Her example of love towards me humbled me to get on my knees and apologize to Heavenly Father to my behavior against my mom. After my prayer of humility, I walked out of the room and back to where my mom and I had ended our argument. With a humble heart, I was able to face her and admit to her of my wrongs and ask for her forgiveness. After her and I made it right with each other and had a good chat, I went to my little sister and hugged her, thanking her for the note she gave me. Our family certainly is our support in our lives; we can build up on one another and help each other as we go throughout our lives. I am indeed grateful for their examples to me as to what it means to be a disciple of Jesus Christ.

This quote from the book "Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives" gives a viewpoint of a mother's nurture and love towards her children, however I feel this is applicable to all. 

"There is no perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each mother has different challenges, different skills and ablilities, and certainly different children. The choice is different and unique for each mother and each family...What matters is that a mother loves her children deeply and, in keeping with the devotion she has for God and her husband, prioritizes the above all else" (pp. 128-139).

Sources: 

Erickson, J. (2012). Mothers as Nurturers. In Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives (pp. 128-139). Provo, Utah: Brigham Young University. 

 Hawkins, A. (2012). Sharing and Defending Family Proclamation Principles. In Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives (pp. 354-358). Provo, Utah: Brigham Young University.

Judd, D. (2012). The Eternal Family: A Plain and Precious Part of the Plan of Salvation. In Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives (pp. 337-345). Provo, Utah: Brigham Young University.

Widmer, M., & Taniguchi, S. (2012). Wholesome Family Recreation: Building Strong Families. In Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives (pp. 225-236). Provo, Utah: Brigham Young University.

Earthly Father, Heavenly Father

Before we came to earth, we lived with our Heavenly Father. It's so beautiful to imagine that we used to live with Him. We walked with Him, we talked with Him. In a more personal matter, I love to think that He and I had a very close relationship. I'm sure we shared his thoughts and feelings with each other, He taught me certain things before I came to earth. I love thinking it was wonderful living with Him in heaven. 

Then the time came where that time was up, and the rest of my learning experience had to happen in another place. In a general sense, I imagine the time we all left the Pre-mortal World would have been bitter sweet. Bitter because we knew we had to leave the presence of our Heavenly Father. I'm sure we all had friends in that world, and leaving them could have been a little bit of a heartache. However, sweet considering we understood that by going to earth would be the only way to progress towards the next steps toward returning with our Father and loved ones again. 

Heavenly Father knew that we would struggle on the earth. He knew it's not always the happiest place to be. He wanted us all to be happy. He sent us into families who will help us in our lives. We all were sent to specific families for special purposes; He knew their talents and abilities and knew they are important in helping each of us in specific ways. This is how I like to think of it. Often times I wonder what it would have been like being born into a different family. I'm sure it would be way different depending on the location, the people involved, and the different life experiences. But God has placed us in certain families for certain reasons, in which we should be eternally grateful. 

I absolutely love this you tube video link of a father's perspective in caring for his family and I encourage each of you to watch it:
  
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R5FxdCgD-qI 

This video is the daughter's and mother's perspective about their father/husband:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KhqRMP9meMc

Here's another link I thought was interesting:

http://www.activeparenting.com/Parents-Parenting_Style_Quiz

It’s important that parents learn about the qualities our Savior has and strive to develop those qualities. Our Savior is a reflection of our Father in Heaven. Ultimately as parents strive to develop and live by Christ-like qualities, they will be reflecting who our Father in Heaven is like. That is so important for children to be able to recognize who their Father in Heaven is based on their parents’ example and actions. It is such a blessing to have the opportunity to raise God's children here on earth.

Here is an example from Baumrind's perspective as to help rear your children in a more positive outcome from "Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives":

"Baumrind's perspective mirrors that of the proclamation, which gives a substantial list of principles and practices parents should follow in seeking to establish a happy family and successfully rear their children. Each word in proclamation counsel denotes a world of possibilities; the details do matter...the proclamation also suggests that significant teaching is required to bring about positive outcomes (for example, teaching children to love and serve one another)"(pp. 118-127).

Sources: 

Nelson, D. (2012). Parenting in Gospel Context: Practices Do Make a Difference. In Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives (pp. 118-127). Provo, Utah: Brigham Young University.

Chores! Cleaning! Dont we all Love It??

Cleaning: my least favorite thing to do when I feel like I have to do it. Many a time I can recall my family getting together during a family home evening lesson or a family counsel and talking about a job chart. Everyone was assigned to do a big chore around the house along with the small chores. My big chore was usually to clean out the pantry. My little sister had to dust off the entertainment center and the computers. My little brother had to clean the base boards. 

Sometimes I would get after my siblings for not doing their job. Like I had much say; I hardly ever did my job either. Those times where we would all have to clean seemed like the most boring moments ever. However, as I look back at those moments, I realize they can be one of the most cherished moments. 

Our family is huge into yard work. Both my parents were farmers, so they loved the big space in the backyard. We bought a home with a fairly large size yard; half of the yard we turned into a garden and still had a lot of space to plant grass and play volleyball! I remember the way my mom had organized how we were going to work on our yard was we all had to go weed for an hour everyday in the summertime. To me an hour was hell; I hated it so much. Both my parents strongly encouraged it however, and I know now that from that my relationships with my siblings have grown for the better. 

 In the book "Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives", one student shares their experiences in working in the yard with their dad: "Some of the best times with my dad were when I would help him do yard work...We'd have some of our best talks about life as we raked leaves or hauled wood." Another student said, "I think picking strawberries and string beans was especially productive as a family because the work was long and mundane. The quiet, almost mentally effortless work is fertile soil for conversation. I sometimes miss those days"(pp. 213-224).

My siblings and I have spent time together in the yard pulling weeds, sometimes getting discouraged with one another. Sometimes it would seem like working alone was our best bet. But there were plenty of times where my mom encouraged everyone to go outside to help with a big project and I'm so grateful she had us to that. I am now closer to my siblings in our relationships.

 I would watch both my parents as they would work on the yard together; it seemed like the majority of the time my mom would order him around as to how she wishes it to be done. My dad being loyal to her would follow her lead and respect her for what she wanted. Him doing this to my mom shows me more of what kind of man I should look for as I get older and search for a husband. He has showed me through his example important characteristics to keep in mind, and as a daughter that means a lot to me. A daughter certainly needs to know and understand one time or another how men should treat and respect them. In today's society with the growing lack of father figures in the home, that important detail of a daughter's exemplar is fading. It's so crucial for a girl to really know and if possible see the ways where they see how men should treat them so they can find a good one to marry.

"Father's actions influence their children's attitudes toward family work. A father who assumes responsibility for a single significant daily task, such as washing the dishes, and actively gathers his children to help him, is a powerful example of partnership and service within his home"(pp. 213-224).

"If a man cannot learn in this life to appreciate a wife and do his duty by her, in properly taking care of her, he need not expect to be given one in the hereafter"(pp. 213-224).

"Family work is humbling, helping us to acknowledge our unavoidable interdependence and encouraging us to sacrifice self for the welfare of others in the pattern of the Savior"(pp. 213-224).

Sources: 

Bahr, K., Manwaring, K., Loveless, C., & Bahr, E. (2012). The Meanings and Blessings of Family Work. In Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives (pp. 213-224). Provo, Utah: Brigham Young University.

Can you Really Change a Person?

I realize while I'm writing this blog that I need to really pay attention as to what I'm writing. I feel like sometimes we (people in general) tend to say things yet when you look at their actions they are either not following up with what they just said or they are doing the complete opposite. In other words: a hypocrite. How ironic; we are commanded not to be hypocrites as the scriptures teach us.

In the Book of Nephi chapter 14:5 we are taught "Thou hypocrite, first cast the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast the mote out of thy brother’s eye." What this scripture means is to first "fix" yourself and THEN help others. We are reminded over and over again in the LDS Church that we need to experience our own conversion before we can help others become converted to the gospel. 

It's just like the old saying "practice what you preach". Not sure where this saying comes from, however one of my high school health teachers told me that since she teaches a health class she feels it would only make sense if she followed what she taught. Therefore, she tries to stay healthy physically, emotionally, socially, etc just like what she teaches. It just wouldn't make sense at all if she didn't practice what she taught her high school students. 

I bring this up because I realize that my blog is about how important it is in having a father in the home. I have been sharing personal experiences with how it's like to have my dad as my dad and how I feel as his daughter. As I think about this and ponder ways how my relationship with my dad can improve, I see that there really isn't much I can do to "make" or "force" my dad to "be the dad I want him to be". BUT, there is one thing I can do; I can change myself and try to make a difference in our relationship. 

This is the story of the other prodigal son for on lds.org. It shows the perspective of the prodigal son's brother, and tells how the prodigal son's brother forgives.

https://www.lds.org/media-library/video/2014-02-002-the-other-prodigal-son-eng?lang=eng

Ultimately, WE ARE THE ONLY PERSON WE CAN CHANGE. We can't force anyone else to do anything. In fact, through the example of the Savior, we are taught not to try and make people do anything no matter how much we want to but to show them by example. This all seems contradictory, because in reality, it's virtually impossible to make someone do something. I feel like I'm talking in circles. Here's what I'm trying to say:

It's impossible to make someone else act. We can tell them what we think they should do, we can be as forceful? as we want to, but overall, they have something we have all been given: agency. Agency is what makes it impossible to force someone to do anything. 

This means that no matter how much I want my dad to "change" to become the type of dad I want him to be, I can't change him. At all. BUT who can I change? I can change myself. Even though I can't make my dad do anything, I can show him through being an example. I can be the one to make the move. Don't get me wrong, I love my dad very much, however as a daughter I feel there is always something that can go better in improving our relationship. There's always room for improvement in everything. In this case, there's room for applying what I'm learning and teaching through my blogs and really trying to make a difference in my relationship with my dad. 

How do I do this? One thing I have noticed is the past six or so months, my dad has started texting me and asking me how my day is going as well as letting me know he loves me. When he first started doing this, it made me feel special that he decided to ask me how I was doing, although it was kind of weird as well. He had never done that before. Now that it's been a while since he started doing that, I feel that now is the time for a new step; a step that I know might feel strange or awkward for both of us, or we might not feel that. I realize that a big part of how people feel with certain situations depends on their approach. Since I'm deciding to make the move in this new approach with my dad, I help can set the mood. I may not be able to make him not feel awkward (I'm not really gonna know exactly how he feels/thinks about it!), but I can help ease that awkwardness by making myself not feel awkward and being confident in my approach.

What I want to do is call up my dad on a whim one night after he gets home from work and talk to him. To just talk to him; he and I have never really had a really long conversation based on each others lives. I feel that whenever we do talk, we end up talking about the weather, finances, or my school stresses. We never really have had a good conversation about each others personal lives. I don't even know how much my dad really KNOWS about me besides the facts (ex: I'm going to school at...I've been on some dates...I like to eat food...I am his daughter...). I don't even know if he knows my favorite color! I can certainly take action and try and help him learn more about who I am by calling him on the phone and talking to him. 

I'm a talker; I love talking. Therefore, this should be easy to just call him up, right? It can be, or it might not be. But I believe that as I prepare myself for this conversation by writing down topics to talk about and questions to ask him, he and I will then end up having a really successful conversation. Hopefully, this tense feeling I feel with my dad will end up going away to the point where I can just call him up and talk to him like normal and really gain a good relationship with my dad. I think that is one of the most beautiful things; a daughter having a great relationship with her dad (or with the father figure in her life if a dad is unavailable). 

"When partners or family members collectively plan activities or set mutual goals, they are imagining a future together and moving away from the painful past"(pp. 201-212).

"In the end, sincere repentance and genuine forgiveness are gifts from God made possible through the Atonement of Jesus Christ"(pp. 201-212). 

Wish me luck! :) 

Sources: 

Walton, E., & Hendricks, H. (2012). Repentance and Forgiveness in Family Life. In Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives (pp. 201-212). Provo, Utah: Brigham Young University. 

Let Me Tell you a Secret

President Thomas S. Monson, the President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, tells of some counsel he received from the sealer at the marriage alter on his wedding day: 

May I offer you newlyweds a formula which will ensure that any disagreement you may have will last no longer than one day? Every night kneel by the side of your bed. One night, Brother Monson you offer the prayer, aloud, on bended knee. The next night you, Sister Monson, offer the prayer aloud, on bended knee. I can then assure you that any misunderstanding that develops during the day will vanish as you pray. You simply can't pray together and retain any but the best of feelings toward one another" (pp. 196-200).

 When my sister Jessica and her husband Daniel got married, I remember a time when they had invited me to spend the week with them at their house. At night before we all went to bed, Daniel asked me, "Jessica and I were about to have family prayer. Would you like to join us?" 

That experience at first to me was kind of like wait, what? Only because at this time they had only been married for a little while and for Daniel to say "family prayer" with him and her really hit home that they were a family now. Everything they do is towards their goals and dreams in making a family of their own. They wanted to create a habit of family prayer together so when they have children they will be able to teach their children the importance of family prayer. 

I can recall many times where my parents would call everyone in our home and gather everyone for family prayer. Each night would be someone's turn in saying the prayer aloud. I remember when I was younger and it was my turn to pray, my prayers were short. Oftentimes I would feel silly saying a prayer in front of my family, because I was just so used to saying my own private ones before I went to bed. However, as the years went on and as I grew older, I became more comfortable praying in front of my family members. My prayers also became more spiritual, more heartfelt. 

One night, it was my mom's turn to pray. When we were all ready, she started to pray and she started off by thanking Heavenly Father for things in our lives. Then I heard her pray for each of her children individually. As she did, almost immediately I could feel the Spirit even stronger and I could feel her love for me. As a daughter listening to her mother pray for her specific needs was overwhelming, and for that moment, I could understand more clearly how our Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother feel about us. Their love is infinite and perfect. Seeing how my mother wanted to feel that love towards her children by praying for them was amazing. 

Prayer is sacred, and a very powerful tool. "Prayer is the means by which individuals may invite God to play an active role in their relationship" (pp. 196-200). As I remember that through prayer I can invite God into my life and ask Him to help guide my heart to feel love towards my family members, it seems to become impossible not to feel more loving towards them.

The Family Proclamation states that prayer is a key principle for building success in family relationships. As we pray we can't help but feel humbled, and we invite the Spirit into our lives as we pray to our Father in Heaven. 

My dad is worthy to hold the keys of the Melchizedek priesthood. Therefore, he is able to receive special revelation and give us blessings when we need them. Some traditional times when my dad gives my siblings and I a blessing is before school starts. He gives us a father's blessing before school so we can feel refreshed for a new school year. There are other times when he gives us father's blessings like when we are sick, worried over a test in school, or need some comfort and encouragement in our lives. I am so thankful for the times when I need a blessing and my dad is right there, worthy and able to give me one. 

Receiving blessings from my dad helps me feel closer to my dad and closer to my Heavenly Father through my dad. Prayer is powerful, and my love for my dad and my family grows so much more when I pray with them. My relationship with my Father in Heaven also grows and my personal relationship with Him becomes much more special and sacred to me.

Conflict in the family is not uncommon. However, prayer can de-escalate the conflict between family members and therefore help them to forgive one another. 

As I see my parents interact with one another, I notice that oftentimes when they don't agree with one another one of them tends to walk off and pretend to forget the situation. That action may be momentarily "alright" to do but overall its not the best way to handle the situation. In an argument between two people, it's not just one person who's discouraged; it's both people troubled one way or another. Therefore, both people need to come together and resolve what had upset them; it's a two sided deal. 

"Repentance is a process of enhancing internal awareness and interpersonal accountability" (pp. 201-212).


I don't know if there have been a lot of times where I've seen my parents walk up to each other and openly express how sorry they are and forgive each other. But I can remember only a few times when I would see my dad walk up to my mom when she was discouraged over an argument. He would put his hand on her back and rub it to help sooth her mood then say, "I'm sorry.", smile, then give her a kiss. Watching him do that was a huge example to me as to how you deal with a hot-pot situation. 

What was causing my dad to go to my mom after a disagreement and be so willing to say sorry and make it right? I like to imagine that he would consider first off, their relationship is worth more than just an argument. It's not worth their relationship to NOT try and make it right. Repentance and forgiveness is truly a humbling experience. It opens our eyes to really see where we went wrong and how we can fix the situation. The person who can truly hellp us understand this is our Heavenly Father. I can't tell you how many times I have had a hot-head attitude and had to recognize how I was in the wrong or how to make the situation better. Humility is also a key factor in forgiving someone else and in saving relationships.

Seeing my dad in action to say sorry and also to forgive my mom was a big testimony to me that even though relationships may not always be that great, they can always be rescued with humility, prayer and forgiveness.


Sources:

Lambert, N. (2012). Sanctification and Cooperation: How Prayer Helps Strengthen Relationships in Good Times and Heal Relationships in Bad Times. In Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives (pp. 196-200). Provo, Utah: Brigham Young University.

Walton, E., & Hendricks, H. (2012). Repentance and Forgiveness in Family Life. In Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives (pp. 201-212). Provo, Utah: Brigham Young University.